[whistling] You know, a town with money’s a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it! [crowd laughs in C Minor blues scale] Heh heh! Mule. The names Lanley — Lyle Lanley! And I come before you good people tonight with an idea, probably the greatest- Oh, it’s not for you… It’s more of a *Shelbyville* idea. Now, wait a minute! We’re twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we’ll vote for it! All right! I’ll tell you what I’ll do: I’ll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield monorail! [gasps in D# major] I’ve sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum have it put them on the map! Well, sir, there’s nothin’ on Earth like a genuine bona-fide electrified six-car monorail! What’d I say! Monorail! What’s it called? Monorail. That’s right, monorail! [chants in F# major] Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! I hear those things are awfully loud. It rides as softly as a cloud. Is there a chance the track could bend? Not on your life, my Hindu friend. What about us braindead slobs? You’ll be given cushy jobs. Were you sent here by the devil!? No, good sir, I’m on the level. The ring came off my pudding can! Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it’s Springfield’s only choice: throw up your hands and raise your voice! ♫ Monorail, ♪ What’s it called? ♫ monorail, ♪ Once again! ♫ Monoraaaaaail! ♪ [trumpets play] But Main Street’s still all cracked and broken. Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken! ♫ Monorail, ♪ ♫ monorail, ♪ ♫ Monoraaaaaaaail! ♪ Mo-no-rail! Mono… D’OH! Transcriber’s Note: I’ve typed “monorail”
so many times it doesn’t look like a word anymore.