Laff Mobb’s Laff Tracks – When God Tells You to Stop Teaching ft. Dave Helem | truTV
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Laff Mobb’s Laff Tracks – When God Tells You to Stop Teaching ft. Dave Helem | truTV

November 16, 2019

♪♪ Um, I taught high school
here in Chicago for 12 years. Thank you. Yeah, I did. Um, I thought I was
gonna change the world. I thought I was gonna motivate
these young black kids, and I just got roasted
every [bleep] day. Okay? You don’t know you shaped weird
until you become the punchline to people fighting
outside your classroom. There was two girls getting into
an argument, and one girl said, “Bitch, shut your big back
Mr. Helem-face ass up.” Right?
And, like, I can hear you, okay, this is not — it hurts. But God told me to stop
teaching high school, right. And I’m gonna give you
my testimony here. Those same two girls
got into a physical fight, and I ran to the fight
to break it up, but this time was different. I became paralyzed.
I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what was going on. Then the heavens opened up
in my classroom and I saw this bright light
shining down on me. And this figure came down
from that light. And he handed me my W-2 from
the previous school year, right. And he showed me that I had made
less than $25,000, right. And then he started pointing
to the girls fighting behind me, and then he pointed back
to the check. And then he pointed to the
girls, and he said, “David?” I said, “Yes, God?” “[Bleep] these kids.”
All right. And he just flew back
to the light, and I was like, “Oh, [bleep].” [ Laughter ] I miss the kids, though. They bad as hell,
but I miss them so much, like. I lost my dad a few years ago, and I went to school on that
Monday to make my dad proud. My dad was a very
hardworking man so I wanted to just make
my daddy happy, and I wasn’t ready. And I just broke down. One of my kids said,
“Mr. Helem, why you crying?” And I’m just like, “Man, y’all
are loud as [bleep] right now.” All right, and I said,
“I lost my dad on Saturday.” And he said, “Man, we gonna
find that [bleep] Don’t even worry about
that shit, we got you.” I said, “What?” [ Sighs ] I said, “Quantavious, um”… And if you’re laughing at that,
you’re an asshole. That’s not his fault, so… I said, “Look, man, um,
that’s not what — I said my dad passed away and y’all are being super loud
right now. I can’t — I can’t do this.” He said, “Mr. Helem, I’m sorry. Sit down.
I’ll get ’em quiet for you.” I said, “Man, thank you.
Thank you.” So I took a seat,
and I heard this. “Hey! Shut the [bleep] up! His dad is dead! He ain’t got no daddy no more! Ain’t no more barbecues,
Six Flags, Applebee’s, none of that shit,
just sadness.” [ Laughter ] I’m at a school where the kids
mess up so much, they don’t know
where to send ’em, so they send them
to this new school called an alternative school,
right. But it’s different because
the kids are old, right, and ask you
dumb-ass questions. One dude was like, “Mr. Helem?” I was like, “Yeah, what’s up?” He said, “How come
we don’t got prom?” I said, “What?” He said, “How come we don’t
have a prom here?” I said, “Fam, you almost 22. You can go to any nightclub
in America. Like, why the [bleep]
are you asking me about prom?” He was like, “Yeah,
you right, dawg.” [ Laughter ]


  • Reply ShunJ89 November 7, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Funny because it’s true.

  • Reply webmillions November 7, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    The comedy is hilarious the show is stupid I hate dumb acting

  • Reply HaileM Bradley November 7, 2018 at 5:28 pm


  • Reply Neutricity November 7, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    This is inner city schools. Good stuff

  • Reply Mae Love November 7, 2018 at 6:36 pm


  • Reply E Bog November 7, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    Nice comedy!

    the best part was when he ….
    ACTUALLY used the shitty jokes some dumbass writer half-assed. There's no way the show could get any better; this is the pinnacle of "comedic" writing.

    The funniest joke is the one about his dad's death (lmao im a jerk) but only because of the delivery. Again: writers, CMON!

  • Reply Phillip-Michael Scales November 7, 2018 at 9:49 pm


  • Reply K Mills November 8, 2018 at 1:16 am

    Which God he trying to say curses. Not funny at all.

  • Reply Lib Q November 8, 2018 at 3:02 am


  • Reply Love Lee November 8, 2018 at 5:07 am

    Quantavious fine!!

  • Reply Robin D. Phillips November 8, 2018 at 2:34 pm


  • Reply Peep peep Peep November 8, 2018 at 10:18 pm


  • Reply Jerome Green November 9, 2018 at 1:23 am

    Them youngins looking good cuh

  • Reply Dynamic 3 Savage November 9, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    Aint no more barbeques, 6 flags ,Applebees nun of that shyt just sadness

  • Reply Demetrius Corley November 9, 2018 at 4:49 pm

    I went to alternative school mcclarin high and we had a prom with like 20 kids so I took my ass to my old school prom

  • Reply R M November 9, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    That last one omg🤣🤣

  • Reply Stand Mccray November 9, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    Man that was funny. I really needed that laugh

  • Reply Keith D. Jones November 9, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    Hahahaha! I feel him

  • Reply Jamal Cole November 13, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    That w-2 made me quit too.

  • Reply PRETTY BLUE ICE November 23, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    Lmao on lyfe school was like dat wen I was in high school 😂😂😂😂😂💯

  • Reply Porsche Shannel November 23, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    I said QUANTAVIOUS lmfao

  • Reply 1- man Army November 26, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    🤣🤣🤣🤣 u can go to any nightclub in America..🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply Celia White November 28, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I am taking this advice! I am gonna get some doodoo shoes!

  • Reply Shannon Williams November 29, 2018 at 12:57 am

    Why his name Quantavious LOL

  • Reply S.F.M.I November 30, 2018 at 9:13 pm

    Go to any nightclub in America. Why you asking about prom. Lol!!! That killed me.

  • Reply Just a small girl In a small world December 9, 2018 at 8:22 am

    now this is funny😂😂😂,man you almost 22 why you asking about a prom. Yea you right dog😫😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Monter Glasper December 12, 2018 at 12:01 am

    Lol I was once a teacher lol. I can relate to loving the students but they're bad as hell LMMAO

  • Reply CirculateWealth December 17, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    Alternative school lol

  • Reply Time Is illmatic December 17, 2018 at 10:10 pm


  • Reply NAOMA RILEY- HALL December 24, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    How come we don’t have prom here???… ummmm🤔.. you can go to any night club.. your grown!!!.. lol 😂

  • Reply LENA PATEL December 29, 2018 at 3:22 pm


  • Reply Kayla-Marie January 1, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    Soooo happy i stumbled upon this page 😂💕

  • Reply Omega Jireh January 14, 2019 at 4:03 pm

    Bih, shut yo big back, Mr. Helem face ass up!

  • Reply Kenya Beasley January 15, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Not gon lie I would have yelled at the class to but just in a nicer way 😭 but Chicago h.s sum else glad I’m in my last year

  • Reply WestWard Pomona Gyrl January 23, 2019 at 2:48 am

    Just sadness😹

  • Reply WestWard Pomona Gyrl January 23, 2019 at 2:49 am

    Fam u almost 22

  • Reply John lamar January 26, 2019 at 2:19 am


  • Reply Carlly O. January 31, 2019 at 12:35 am

    I feel bad but I cracked up so hard at Qwauntavius

  • Reply Betty Tanner February 1, 2019 at 6:13 am

    Don't even worry about that Fam we gon find him😂😂😂

  • Reply JustAskAryka February 1, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Quantavias look gooood tho!😆

  • Reply Harold Beckwith February 16, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    “I lost my dad” We gon find that MF, dead!!!!😂😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Glenda Davis March 16, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    Quintavius! Lol

  • Reply Kathrin F. March 24, 2019 at 6:36 am

    F*ck these kids.😂😂😂

  • Reply Efstathios Kanios March 28, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    so white-face is cool but black-face is racist? double standards?

  • Reply Gianfranco Seminario May 25, 2019 at 4:38 am

    Don't play the white card race if you can't handle the black card race. Seen it in this video

  • Reply Gianfranco Seminario May 25, 2019 at 4:39 am

    I do find it funny though…

  • Reply Jennifer Graham October 30, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    I hope he knows…One of them kids ain't his lol.

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