A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] – Ranger
Articles, Blog

A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] – Ranger

August 13, 2019


Just play a fighter with a bow, it’s way better. Alright, fine, I’ll talk about the class. Rangers, the other of the bisexual style of classes… Where it likes Fighter, but it also likes Druid and flips between the two depending on which one looks cuter at the moment. Hell, it even steals a few things from Rogue because it’s so indecisive. And despite the name Ranger, you’re not actually restricted to use any sort of ranged weapon in order to be effective. As far as combat goes, you get the usual Fighter (but not really Fighter) set of features. Fighting style, all weapons, extra attack, spellcasting, D10 hit die… Hey, Macarena! From Rogues, it steals the ability to channel your inner chameleon and blend into the environment. Except instead of hiding in the shadows and watching where you step, it’s more like putting on makeup. So you need to take some time, have a good look in the mirror, maybe look up some tutorials while you’re at it. Then start over when you realize you were using the wrong shade of foundation. From Druid, it steals some of that “being one with nature” flavor it’s got going on and a whole lotta spells. But not without a few exclusive spells of its own. Like having a target explode a bunch of thorns when hit with a ranged attack… Plant arrows in the ground and turn them into proximity-based fireworks except the gunpowder is magic and the lights are bits of enemy brains… And single-handedly, the objectively best Ranger spell, Swift Quiver. Not for the unlimited ammo, that’s dumb, nobody keeps track of their arrows anyway… But because it turns your ranged weapon into a rapid-fire machine gun. “But Joseph, you said you don’t need to use a ranged weapon to be effective as a ranger!” “Those all sound like ranged weapon-exclusive spells!” That may be true, however! [silence] Anyway, when it comes to actual unique Ranger features… You can use the power of racism to decide what kind of creatures you’re going to perform extra potent hate crimes on… And preferred terrain, where you can pick your favorite environment and after trotting around picking flowers or litter (depending on what it is)… You can become a fantasy Bear Grylls. Which is basically real life Bear Grylls, except with a Kobold crew filming you instead. And if you worry that that sounds too situational and that if you picked the forest terrain and the entire campaign took place in the snowy mountains… Would mean the feature would be more useless than a football player who got tapped on the shoulder and started clutching their knees, crying in the fetal position… Don’t worry. You’re right. And it is. What isn’t situational is just about everything else involving the environment. You can sense what kids are trespassing on your lawn and then not have to worry about the weeds that might otherwise slow you down from catching them… And givin’ them a good WHAPPIN. When it comes to flavors of the “no really, trust us, you can totally use melee and still be useful” class… You have “Pokemon Trainer (With a Gun)”, “Like Rogues (But Even Dodgier)”, “Literally a Monster Hunter”, “Thinking with Portals”, and “PEW, PEW, PEW PEW PEW.” Alright, let’s address the beholder in the room. The vanilla incarnation of the Ranger has the reputation of being less useful when compared to the other classes due to questionable abilities and how they function. That’s not to say the class can’t be useful or powerful in the right circumstances. But some consider the Ranger’s situational and sometimes under-powered features to leave something to be desired. However, there’s nothing wrong about talking to your DM about changing how certain skills work if that happens to be the case… So that you can have more fun at your roleplaying table. But you know what? At the end of the day, it’s not about how many numbers you can do to the bad guy. It’s about whether or not you can… And now you know how to play Ranger! You’re welcome.

100 Comments

  • Reply MrFlyingFox76 July 2, 2019 at 4:22 am

    Damn, That 0:14 druid is Hawt!

  • Reply Dalhissinth Ragnarokta July 2, 2019 at 11:29 am

    Hey look its Drizzt

  • Reply Chrono Cruzader July 2, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    I see you like Drows with big pussies.
    Only people who have read the books will get this.

  • Reply PegaGamer July 2, 2019 at 5:45 pm

    Me: plays ranger as main with owlbear companion Fuck

  • Reply WinterJack July 2, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    Man that joke with tinker face almost killed me, seriously i lost it at that point, i see you're a man of culture as well

  • Reply Jonathan Valdez July 3, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Omg yo the bard trying so hard to get that paladin booty xD

  • Reply Pockettes July 3, 2019 at 2:51 am

    THE WHAP GOBLIN YESSSSSS

  • Reply Matthew Smith July 3, 2019 at 4:44 am

    Jangbrick lego city is definitely a prefered terrain for me.

  • Reply Xander French July 3, 2019 at 5:45 am

    F*** YEAH KOBOLDS… (the one cute humanoid dragon-race… they are cute don’t say they aren’t!!!)

  • Reply DevinTheGamer July 3, 2019 at 6:21 am

    The double scimitar guy reminds me a LOT of Drizzt

  • Reply The Druid July 3, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    Extra potent hate crimes…
    Bro, that had me.

  • Reply Dolphinboi July 3, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    Jo, watch out for that rock

  • Reply Afro Gufo July 3, 2019 at 11:06 pm

    I'll be honest: I don't even know anyone who plays DnD, I'm watching all these videos mainly because of the intro and outro, I would like a 20 hours version of it thanks bye

  • Reply Corben Kish July 4, 2019 at 11:27 am

    That ending is the reason I love the ranger class despite it's shortcomings.

  • Reply Emerald Necromitus July 4, 2019 at 11:52 am

    We not gonna talk about the bard sniffing paladin coochie?

  • Reply chrono wendigo July 4, 2019 at 11:59 am

    This is the most hilarious shit

  • Reply George Longley July 4, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    what about a crap guide to DnD [5th edition] – Wizard

  • Reply GIOodst July 4, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    The halo 3's hammer was pure gold

  • Reply Evan potterme July 4, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Skyward sword is my favored terrain too

  • Reply Joseph Farhat July 5, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    I loved that you made my day spoofing my favorite class. high five

  • Reply 8 Skull July 5, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    But muh 20 dex

  • Reply EraseDiskNow July 6, 2019 at 4:20 am

    One character, I just said "fuck everything with Dex. Gimme a Halberd." This is a ranger. A Bugbear Ranger. Who is going to get the sentinel and polearm master feats eventually. His name is Traffic and he makes Jam. Also could have died when I did a "GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT!" to our party cleric against a dragon's fire breath. Our cleric is a Tiefling. And female.

    Traffic may have a crush on the party cleric despite more or less being a big loveable dope and walking traffic jam. (Yes. This whole character is one big pun)

  • Reply Void TV July 6, 2019 at 6:24 am

    Any chance of covering the Revised Ranger?

  • Reply Timothy O'Gorman July 7, 2019 at 5:57 am

    Just noticed that the bard moved over to the paladin in the opening transition(?)

  • Reply Justin Graves July 7, 2019 at 10:50 am

    I live for "lead blade" and "gravity bow"

  • Reply Archery Teen July 7, 2019 at 8:06 pm

    I just wanna be like Halt from Ranger's Apprentice

  • Reply Ewok612 July 8, 2019 at 2:50 am

    I’m not sure whether to make a crack about bard “switching sides” or having paladin step on her.

  • Reply FireStarter17 17 July 9, 2019 at 1:07 am

    I play ranger and I was more powerful then everyone else when just creating my character and already had more money even know they all had gone on a quest without me before

  • Reply DreamersCosplay July 9, 2019 at 4:43 am

    I ship the Bard and the Paladin at this point…🤣

  • Reply Jacob Hook July 9, 2019 at 11:57 am

    You know, it's a darn shame that the only edition where the ranger is actually a good class is the edition that nobody besides me and like two of my friends actually liked.

  • Reply Hollow July 9, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    2:09 that’s not a beholder that’s a spectator!

    All jokes aside I love your videos man.

  • Reply William McKenzie July 10, 2019 at 4:00 am

    I liked the cute Trubbish a lot.

  • Reply John Ronald July 11, 2019 at 3:12 am

    5e Ranger really is kinda nerfed though. Pathfinder is better for playing Rangers. If you're playing 5e and your DM won't let you use the Unearthed Arcana variant on the Ranger (which fixes most of the problems with 5e Ranger RAW)…you might indeed just as well play a Druid or (beleaguered sigh) a Fighter With A Bow.

  • Reply Viscious202 July 12, 2019 at 11:40 am

    0:08 Video over

  • Reply Ace Healer July 12, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    1:31 Look at Trubbish just chilling there. Adorable.

  • Reply Heavenlyhounds96 July 13, 2019 at 3:46 am

    XD

    I'm so glad I made a questionably-sane Tiefling ranger, who is high on stealth among other things

    Cause now I kinda wanna see about surprising an enemy when I get to use him in combat and on my first attack, (surprise or sneak attack, either one provided my character is in his unhinged mode), go

    "HEYYYYYYYY……*IT'S WHAPPIN TIIIIIME!* <3 "

  • Reply Gianni Libero July 13, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    1:08 you sond like dr.scratch and sniff from anamaniacs

  • Reply John Ronald July 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm

    00:12 PS my female Half-Elf Ranger in Pathfinder is literally bisexual, LOL.

  • Reply pavo6503 July 15, 2019 at 3:50 am

    This doesn't sell me on 5e at all.
    5e: Hey, do you like Diablo and its clones?
    Me: Yeah they can be fun.
    5e: What if I told you you can play Diablo but you have to do all the math?
    Me: Thanks, I'll just play Diablo.

  • Reply tonybqueen July 16, 2019 at 2:54 am

    what happened to the bard???

  • Reply Ghostwriter July 16, 2019 at 11:09 pm

    Dang that druid tho

  • Reply Richer than Richie July 17, 2019 at 5:22 am

    You’re the fucking best.

  • Reply Insanity Logic July 18, 2019 at 6:49 pm

    This is amazing!

  • Reply Christopher Blackburn July 19, 2019 at 5:06 pm

    Chubby Cheeks McGee asking about contradictions is my favorite voice

  • Reply Dr pretzel July 22, 2019 at 7:41 am

    I like the head bobbing

  • Reply panic at the everywhere sdfa July 24, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    However … Daggers

  • Reply That Big Slav Giant July 26, 2019 at 1:51 am

    I absolutely love that the velociraptor was the Druid, I can’t tell why but it just makes me jiggle

  • Reply j July 26, 2019 at 5:04 pm

    I do like the Ranger class, particularly the fun I've had throughout 4th(never got a group with 5th yet, graveyards suck). In those groups I balanced between good dps(that can run around) and out of combat usefulness that doesn't involve talking to others. By that I mean making sure we don't die and actually get what we're supposed to get….without dying. Aside from the Paladin(main tank and heals for us) I wound up making sure everyone else survived by abusing combat medic and yes. They fell into DST situations often enough to make that feat amazing instead of situational.

    Never forgetting when we got ambushed and I was initially the only one that stood by the tank. The rest scattered to the four winds(really, all different directions and they sprinted from us). One of the four was the only one not reach negative hp that fight, Pali and I solo'ed halves. Him the babysitter and I the 'You'll live now get over there!' running medic.

  • Reply demonceage July 27, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Ranger is inferior to ranged Foghter and it PISSES ME OFF. FIGHTERS EVEN HAVE A MAGIC RANGER SUBCLASS WTF?!?!?

  • Reply Azure Balmung July 27, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    I missed that the feathered Velociraptor was a Druid the first time I saw this xD

  • Reply CamTheKitty July 31, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    Why would I pick fighter? To be the most boring player on earth? :O

  • Reply The Typhoic August 1, 2019 at 11:13 am

    1:27 JANG CITY AAAAAAAAHH

  • Reply Ethan Hutchison August 1, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    At 1:16 when he goes silent a car alarm went off and I thought it was part of the video lmao

  • Reply DJS1800 August 1, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    Paladin, why are you killing teifling?

  • Reply Collin McGee August 1, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    I made a very powerful ranger that is a dps. Hunter’s mark, duel wielder, two weapon fighting, hunter (colossus slayer), with 2 rapiers

  • Reply Agrihon Oberjorn August 2, 2019 at 9:03 am

    0:23 wait fur cloak twin simatars and that style …is that drizzit dourden?

  • Reply peregrinatus August 2, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    Just to check. Were you deliberately channeling Sam Kelly's Captain Geering from 1:10?

  • Reply Stephen Gillie August 2, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    This makes me want to roll up a dual-class fighter druid. People in towns will call him a Ranger out of confusion, and he stopped correcting them a long, long time ago.

  • Reply Bound2Asgard August 2, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    Omg the Whap Goblin haha

  • Reply Jeffrey Wesson August 2, 2019 at 10:08 pm

    This is so stupid I love it

  • Reply Kentity August 3, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Nice

  • Reply Kevin Mong August 3, 2019 at 1:56 am

    Have you tried d&d

  • Reply Steve Fox August 3, 2019 at 3:23 am

    I love playing ranger. Gloomstalker is awesome depending on your campaign

  • Reply shingshongshamalama August 3, 2019 at 8:43 am

    69 damage.

    Nice.

  • Reply Алексей Белов August 3, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    2:08 – 2:10 – is it JessJackdaw reference? Or just a random spectator?

  • Reply Stovkyr Industries August 3, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Prefered terrain got me good because I kept wondering why I ever left the metro.

  • Reply Pamela Hunter August 3, 2019 at 7:05 pm

    2:41

  • Reply rainwater739 August 3, 2019 at 7:27 pm

    1:27 That's Jang's lego setup from a few years ago in the left corner… I need to stop watching so much youtube…

  • Reply Cthulhu Ftagn August 3, 2019 at 8:18 pm

    To Embrace The Power Of True Ranger Bisexuality, I Go With Both Ranged & Martial Weapons

  • Reply Даниил Кириллов August 3, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    basically it's only good as a DMPC to get the party through some junglefey arc

  • Reply Iarus Goldleaf August 3, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    I noticed they add the figurine of the past discussed classes in the intro

  • Reply Richard Garner August 4, 2019 at 2:04 am

    Do I have to chose Old Jang City for my favored terrain, or can I just choose Jang City and it’ll count for both Old and New?

  • Reply InoMercy August 4, 2019 at 2:52 am

    I once talked my DM into giving my Ranger a goddamn rifle at level one. Nothing else to say, I just wanted to wanted to point that out.

  • Reply KingQwertzlbrmpf August 4, 2019 at 7:15 am

    5th edition. No sane person plays 5th edition.

  • Reply Wally Castagnir August 4, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Can i use sns when i play the monster hunter

  • Reply Bartłomiej Andrzejewski August 4, 2019 at 2:01 pm

    Hmm bonus action pet attack for BM is nice fix there 😛

  • Reply Chris Mowery August 4, 2019 at 9:24 pm

    Subbing for the game grumps reference

  • Reply thecursed01 August 5, 2019 at 12:43 am

    no sane person plays ranger

  • Reply killgora1 August 5, 2019 at 4:51 pm

    I personally don't think 5th Edition Ranger is that bad, but I will admit the revise makes it better and is the superior choice if you don't want to use Xanathar's Guide to Everything. Though I guess i am biased because I just honestly love the ranger class, and what they are regardless. Power of a class isn't everything. Sometimes you just like a class and you play well because you get into game mode and do the class justice despite it's flaws.

  • Reply badflamer August 5, 2019 at 9:06 pm

    has anyone just considered that DnD is not a very good game at all?

  • Reply melli nyani August 5, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    as a bi disaster i can confirm 0:12

  • Reply Dru Pearce August 5, 2019 at 9:59 pm

    Straight up whap goblin

  • Reply type.null0010 _ August 6, 2019 at 5:59 am

    Nice

  • Reply blade spark August 6, 2019 at 11:14 am

    Anyone notice the feathered velociraptor transform into the druid figurine?

  • Reply Odd Ball August 6, 2019 at 6:55 pm

    ah ranger, my first ever class, dwarf ranger with a pet dire wolf… he bit giants tendons out… and tried to fight tiamat.. that last part didnt go well

  • Reply Trevor Sullivan August 6, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    1:28 Jang city

  • Reply Ray Anderson August 6, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    I will note that our ranger (who got turned into a dragon by a belt of dragon kind and has since been laid up in a coma but I digress), was the single most powerful character in our party on a shot-by-shot basis. We were sneaking through a Drow city once and I'm pretty sure she made all of the party's kills that time, except, like, one that the barbarian crushed, maybe…
    Needless to say, our party was not spotted. The rest of the Drow were just left to wonder why their priestess and ten or so of their colleagues were suddenly dead.

  • Reply nategreen86 August 7, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    ITS WHAPPIN TIME

  • Reply KJW6267 August 7, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    Gravity Hammer!

  • Reply Epicesify August 7, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    My current DM allowed me to use Hail of thorns on my Dagger Of Venom I got from an assassin, so I as a ranger with Collosus Slayer I can potentially do upwards of 42 damage in one sitting with HOT Collosus Slayer, Dagger of venom ranged dmg and possibly hunters mark as well. It's gonna be a great campaign

  • Reply Seamus Watson August 8, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    nice drizzt reference

  • Reply Scratched Disk August 8, 2019 at 2:49 pm

    Replace feathered velociraptor with displacer beast and you got my character!

  • Reply JDOG THE ONE August 8, 2019 at 4:04 pm

    cough zephyr strike cough . Also revised ranger is good.

  • Reply BlackWolf91807 August 8, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    gamegrumps reference, whap goblin

  • Reply Alexavier August 9, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    I guess one advantage to playing fighter is due to its reputation, you won't be the priority on DM's list of players to kill. . . Probably.

  • Reply Azure Balmung August 10, 2019 at 11:09 am

    2:39 – Look where the Bard figure is

  • Reply Tyler Holbrook August 10, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    We had a ranger that called lightning every single time he fired his bow and just mopped the floor of every encounter

  • Reply Splitjaw Janitor August 12, 2019 at 1:48 am

    2:34 ARK: Survival Evolved (2015)

  • Reply Scarlett Kara August 12, 2019 at 2:13 am

    *Sees trubbish in the drawings*.
    I give you many props and admirations

  • Reply Null *P Exception August 13, 2019 at 5:29 am

    Well, that's what you get for playing 5th ed.

  • Leave a Reply